Speaking the Truth in Love

As the apostle Paul described how God placed structure and order within the Church for our complete good, he also instructed us to be people who are “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).

Have you ever known someone you couldn’t really trust—whose words had proved to be untrue?

Christians should be people who are known for always speaking the truth, no matter the context or the circumstances. A few years back, I was told that whatever a particular man told me, I could “take it to the bank.” This wasn’t a spiritual conversation, and the man in question was not associated with the Church in any way. But he had a reputation of being not only quite knowledgeable, but also of being completely and absolutely honest in what he said.

That’s an admirable trait and reputation! There is very little in life more valuable than having a reputation for being a person of complete truthfulness.

But there is a second part to Paul’s instructions:

(2) The truth must also be spoken in love

Truth is fact, but there are often many ways we can tell the truth—harshly, in a crabby and sour manner, or in an angry, confrontational, repulsive or even rebellious manner!

In each case, what is said might be accurate, but it will rarely if ever do any good. It will push people away, anger them, even sour them to something that is true. People will not be bullied into the truth of God or virtually any other truth.

Many years ago, I attended a funeral that was being conducted by the person’s pastor. The deceased happened to be the only member of that entire family who was in that faith. And it quickly became apparent the rest of the family was not at all favorable toward that church.

Interestingly enough, there was nothing incorrect in what the pastor said, but the manner in which it was said was certainly not seasoned with love. The moment the short graveside service was completed, the funeral director quickly stepped in between the pastor and the deceased’s family and hastily suggested that the pastor just go to his car and leave. I’ll never forget that as an example of how not to conduct a funeral.

When we talk with our spouse, our children, our relatives and our church brethren, we should always speak the truth, but we should also be careful to always speak it with love. And the same can be said of talking with coworkers, friends and neighbors.

Sometimes what we may have to say will sting, but knowing the words are spoken with love helps. As Solomon wrote, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6).

Another writer once commented that Ephesians 4:15 points out that love without truth is still a lie. But truth without love is a weapon. God never wants us to lie, but neither does He want us to use the truth as a weapon to hurt others.

It may take a lifetime to fully learn this balance, but hopefully we can all make progress toward living this simple phrase and being a people who always speak the truth in love.

Tom Clark, for Life, Hope & Truth